Sending you so much love, my love.
I want the best for you. The day you were born, was the day I became a mom. I held you and tears fell down my cheeks. I was in aww that your dad and I created you. I had felt you kicking for months, your scrawny legs, elbows all up in my chest making me STOP and take a deep breath.
That is you! I STOP and take deep breaths when I look at you. Today as you grow into who you are, into who you will become and all that you will bring into the world. What I want to say is sometimes hard to put into words, and sometimes I don’t put them in words at all. Instead, they are put in a prayer, a wish, an intention, a release to a higher power.
The teenage years feel like your own self-examination. Caught up in your head wondering what others think of you. Only time will share with you that, no one is watching. I can tell you this now, but it will just be words. This time of becoming and finding where you belong is the first time that you will discover that your choices, your path is yours. You will find other times in the future that you will find yourself unbecoming and becoming again trying to find where you belong.
My wish for you is to remember this ‘summertime adventure’ as a time in which we were creating a HOME together! HOME is what we create. A place where you can always become, unbecome and belong time and time again. HOME is here for you no matter where you go, no matter who you meet, no matter your path HOME is HERE with me will always be a place you can come back to. I invite you to feel home in your heart. Taking your hands over your heart and feel it. Feel it live right there within you. So, when I’m not there, when I’m not there to notice you need a hug, you can feel HOME right within you.
I have learned I am only part of the making of you. Ancestors before me, larger spirit and the physical genes of grandparents made me and then years later made you. My love you are filled with ancestors, their patterns that aren’t yours, their wounds that aren’t yours, you will feel these ancestors. You will also feel who you are through them.
I feel the ANGER of my father at times, the only child craving attention. I feel the wounds of my mother born in a 1950’s world was making husband, children and home more important than HER needs. I feel the wounds of the effects of divorce on my parents. I feel the wounds of staying together in times when being a part would be better for all, but the FEAR is embedded into this ancestral linage. I feel the ABANDONMENT handed down to me from my orphaned grandfather. I feel feelings of ‘PERFECTING’ from ancestors wed to the bible.
Take a breath and know what is yours and what is something you were handed without your consent.
Take a breath and know that I am there within you too. I too will give you gifts you will love and you will hate.
Take a breath and know what is yours and what is mine. I too am still learning this.