Who knew clothes could hide your voice?!

Going through my clothes, during a session of KonMari, was like a roller-coaster ride. I went on a ride of remembering who I was then, and also taking stalk in who I am in this moment and who I continue to become. During this process I can see the heart work I’ve done over the last 3+ years to find myself again after being consumed with work & mamma-hood. I could see the 10+ years of attempting to find a ‘work/life’ balance. This KonMari practice was yet another piece of my healing, it allowed me to notice how I have become more confident with my voice.

I joined Jenna Carlson for a session of the KonMari Method™. She is a fellow entrepreneur friend, and invited us to go through our belongings. Her business, The Joy Filter, @, is just that! It is an awakening to what brings you Joy by putting it through the filter of ‘does this bring me joy?’ This process allowed me to LET GO of clothes I had held onto for years and it allowed me to LET GO OF PIECES OF WHO I WAS. It was a bittersweet awakening, one that I don’t think would have happened had Jenna not offered this event. I am grateful for Jenna for offering the event and grateful for my intuition who screamed, “YES! DO THAT! SO FUN, and your closet is a MESS!”

I have not done ANY KonMari activities. This was my first session, so I my task was to start with my clothes so I went to my closet. It is suggested you bring everything out, so I laid them all on my bed. Jenna then asked us to pick each item up with the intention to see if it brings you joy NOW.

I noticed something about my old work clothes. Item after item… I would hold it and feel it. I noticed I was sending old ‘administrator’ looking work pants and shirts that DO NOT bring me joy to the donation pile. My body was not feeling joy with these clothes. My body was feeling constricted, tight, and overwhelmed. I remembered shopping for these clothes. I would tell myself, ‘if I couldn’t wear it to work, why buy it.’ Ugh… remembering this reminded me how my life revolved around work. I was a full-time working parent. My commute was 3 hours a day. I remember there was no time for anything else, other than work. I didn't treat my body or my heart well. I didn't follow my intuition. I was guided by the musts and had to do. As I am going through these clothes, I am feeling such a lack of JOY holding them and then all of a sudden, just like that, I feel relief as they get tossed into the donation pile. Who knew clothes could hold a feeling!?!

I could feel my old workaholic heart being pulled to the scarves! When I say pulled to the scarves… literally this is a whole ‘section’ of scarves. I am talking about a ‘section’ of about 50+ scarves here. WTF!! Seriously it was a section of my closet.

My husband asked me, ‘when did you start having so many scarves’. I quickly returned the response with, ‘I love scarves.’ My heart was feeling comfort from these pieces of fabric that draped around my neck, but I also remembered that I started wearing more of them when I got promoted into a leadership role at the non-profit organization I worked at. I said to my husband, ‘The scarves helped me feel safe during a time I was trying to find my leadership voice. The scarves were also something I would hide behind. You can ask fellow colleagues and they would tell you that they could see my ‘wheels’ turning when I pulled my scarf up around my mouth. As I write this, I can see their smiles across the leadership table. We both knew that I’d be sharing a thought or two after the meeting.

In the moment of going through 50+ scarves, which draped my neck for YEARS, I asked myself in this moment do these scarves NOW bring you JOY? Well some bring me comfort which is in the realm of joy for me. Some bring me joy because of their bright colors. Some do NOT bring me joy, these got tossed in the donation pile! I felt in my belly that the ones that were getting donated were the ones that I could feel myself hide behind. I could feel like I could easily go back to the pattern of hiding and not sharing my voice. I could feel my throat and heart fully in alignment saying, ‘Don’t keep that one. Don't hide your voice.” In true KonMari fashion, I thanked them for their service to me during a time when I needed some space to come into my own voice and power, but I let them know I don’t need to hide behind them anymore.

I ended up keeping about 15 scarves. I know… still too many. But I do love the warm comfy security of a scarf now and again!

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